Drumroll Please – June 12

I wouldn’t change a thing I’ve done since I first heard my colon was precancerous. The diets, the avoiding drinking, the education on foods and the harsh examinations of what I put in my body.

My colonoscopy results showed a visible and very concerning 2 cm tumor. Compared to my first scope over two months ago which only showed some ‘unusual patches,’ the cancer has grown quite rapidly.

On Thursday, one of the best surgeons offered to squeeze me in his schedule on Friday, but I had to decide within an hour. Too fast. I was still struggling being okay with this as the final answer, and trying to confirm this life changing surgery for the following day was too much. Otherwise he’s booked until July. Too fast.

I still wanted to talk with the alternative medicine doctor, who had already asked my attending nurse if I even wanted to meet in light of the news. Already I know there is nothing that can be done, but I just need to ask. I don’t even know my questions yet though I have so many.

I didn’t know what to expect Saturday if I had the surgery, or anything about how to manage after. My attending nurse agreed that mentally and emotionally I wasn’t there. While this has now become urgent, she didn’t want to send me sobbing into the OR.

We scheduled a visit with another surgeon for Friday. While the long term stats of his method are the same, one of the scars will be longer. I can live with that, I can’t live with unanswered questions because I rushed. She hopes he will be agreeable to squeezing me in his schedule early next week.

That gives me a few days to pack new clothes, leave my house in acceptable condition for when I return in almost a month, tie up loose ends and work, thank Zach for taking on a summer of yard work unexpectedly, the list goes on and on.

While I’m still extremely shaken by the finality of this, it could be worse.

Given how quickly the cancer changed and grew even after making drastic changes, the timing of my first appointment was perfect. Two months sooner and nothing may have been caught. Two months later, well I’d be doing this in August. I’m hoping I’ll be up and moving by then.

Keeping my fingers crossed this is still contained in the colon, this can be a good thing. I’ve changed my diet, all my blood work came back perfectly in the ideal range. If I can remove this one sickly part of my body that has been trying to get the best of me since I was 11 and be healthier because of it, then good riddance.

I don’t need you anyway.

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Author: Clarissa A.

The older I get, the less I know.

1 thought on “Drumroll Please – June 12”

  1. Claire – your colon may not be healthy but your attitude certainly is. I am really impressed with how you have handled all of this. You Rock!!! I look forward to your return to Lincoln and to work. I will be praying for you.

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