I saw a bee

In January, over lunch, a bee flew and bumped into my driver-side car window. In January. I can’t stop thinking of the oddity of a bumble bee in Nebraska in January.

I’m one to always say, pay attention when coincidences align, and small details follow you. They are generally trying to tell you something.

In response to my less-than perfect CT Scan results, I retrieved an old bracelet from my dresser and put it back on my wrist. The one that was given to me on my birthday when I was going through chemo. The one the waiter took off his own arm and put on mine as a reminder of strength and love from one survivor to another.

Coincidentally later that week, the string bracelet that was put on my wrist on top of a mountain by another survivor during my Moab First Descents trip fell off. Symbolically, this is supposed to be a good thing, meaning I no longer need spirits to protect me. It should be a sign that makes me ecstatic.

Maybe it’s because of the timing of putting a more permanent bracelet on, which makes it seem like it’s more of a “bringing in the big guns” alignment rather than a cleanse of the added forces that have been following me around.

I had a follow up with my general practitioner about some symptoms I’ve had for a couple months. The CT Scan results pushed me over the edge of being able to put concerns at ease. At first, she brushed off my symptoms as nothing out of the ordinary. After talking a bit more, she wanted me to get an ultra sound to get a clearer view of my pelvic region.

I’m hoping it’s just scar tissue that is continuing to interfere with my body’s normal functions. But I can’t help but think of this scar tissue slowly growing. For lack of a better comparison, taking over my lower region like a cancer.

The day I saw that bee I was between appointments, heading to the women’s clinic for my ultra sounds and to sit amongst all the young couples who are expecting.

A couple quick search results yield mentions of bee’s strong ties to fertility. Making sure your life is fertile by enjoying the “nectar of our efforts”. One specifically calls out:

“Bee reminds us to take the honey of life and make our own lives meaningful and fertile.  In other words, bee tells us to enjoy what we do, whatever it may be”

First Descents announced three of their trips for 2017. One in particular I’m considering; a 10-day, multi-sport adventure in the Italian Alps. The main reason I’m hesitating, is because I was hoping for something a little more out of the ordinary. I could see myself planning a similar trip on my own to a similar location. I wanted my FDX trip to include something that would push my own limits just a bit more.

This Italian Alps trip would land me back in the states with less than a month until my next 6-month check in, which will now include the MRI to verify the size of my lymph nodes.

Maybe all these signs are telling me to embrace these next six months, because my next results might change my life for the worst. With my bracelet set to arm me with beefed up protection (note that it’s a dainty piece featuring several pastel jewels), and the bee to tell me to enjoy the nectar as it flows right now.

Then again, other bee meanings focus on setting dreams high and fulfilling them. The bee tells us to move past our physical limitations.

 

Technically speaking Bee should not be able to fly – it’s designed all wrong aerodynamically. From a spiritual perspective this speaks of our limitations and how to move past them successfully. It’s doubtful that Bee knows it shouldn’t fly – it simply DOES, and so can you.

The bee is here to tell me keep pursuing what I dream of. My beefy bracelet will help remind me of where I’ve been, and that I continue to move past those limitations. I know the survivorship odds, but I will simply BE HERE, and enjoy the nectar while I’m doing it.

The bee is here to represent both of our atypical physical characteristics, and our abilities to go against what science dictates.

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Author: Clarissa A.

The older I get, the less I know.

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